I find it enormously difficult to explain to others the blackness that is smothering me. As cliche as it sounds, it truly is something you have had to experienced to really - REALLY - grasp the suffocating feeling of emotions and thoughts so overwhelming that they are paralyzing.
There are a number of people on the fringes of my life that, I believe, underestimate how deeply I have been affected by various events in my life. There are a handful of people who think the gut-wrenching (to me at least) decisions I made in the past were meant to set myself free. What they do not know, nor could ever comprehend, is that I am not free. Instead, some of the selfless decisions I made put me squarely on death row.
Right now I am in a lose/lose situation. I either bite my tongue or shrug it off in an attempt to bridge the distance between us. I am precariously balanced between the first cry and an abyss and I am quickly losing my grasp.
I am further devastated by the idea that I may have to make the ultimate choice.
There are a number of people on the fringes of my life that, I believe, underestimate how deeply I have been affected by various events in my life. There are a handful of people who think the gut-wrenching (to me at least) decisions I made in the past were meant to set myself free. What they do not know, nor could ever comprehend, is that I am not free. Instead, some of the selfless decisions I made put me squarely on death row.
Right now I am in a lose/lose situation. I either bite my tongue or shrug it off in an attempt to bridge the distance between us. I am precariously balanced between the first cry and an abyss and I am quickly losing my grasp.
I am further devastated by the idea that I may have to make the ultimate choice.