Two Sides

(An undated journal after the death of my Grandmother and prior to our June 30, 2002 wedding.)

Two sides to me: grief and joy.

Balancing the two is proving to be very difficult.

My energy is zapped and I want to hide.

I am overjoyed at the thought of marrying the man I love more than life -- the man created just for me.

I am hurting so deep over the loss of my Grandmother.

I don't know how to grieve without losing total control.

Hey! I have been here before.

How did I manage then?

Oh, wait...there was no joy, only grief.

There was only darkness and hospitals and pain to the bottom of my soul.