On June 5th my oldest son graduated from high school. The feeling I had when they handed him his diploma is indescribable. It feels like his life thus far passed in the blink of an eye. On the hour + ride home from the ceremony I cried at the thought of having come ThisClose to missing out on one of the most important days in a child's life -- graduating from high school.
I've written before about the overwhelming guilt I feel for hurting Henry and my boys by coming ThisClose to being completely swallowed by a black hole that came ThisClose to becoming my grave. I am having great difficulty accepting the fact that I cannot undo the hurt and make things right. There is no band-aid big enough to cover the wounds or enough words in the English language to apologize for the mistakes I have made. Oh, and there have been many.
A few of the mistakes I made led me to this moment, blissfully married to the love of my life, and the blessed mother of four boys and a stepson.
Even Alexander's premature passing through my body and my life had a reason. For a couple of years I was so busy searching for answers that I didn't see the reason for his being staring me in the face.
I look into the faces of my husband and my kids and I know I am right where I was always meant to be.
I've written before about the overwhelming guilt I feel for hurting Henry and my boys by coming ThisClose to being completely swallowed by a black hole that came ThisClose to becoming my grave. I am having great difficulty accepting the fact that I cannot undo the hurt and make things right. There is no band-aid big enough to cover the wounds or enough words in the English language to apologize for the mistakes I have made. Oh, and there have been many.
A few of the mistakes I made led me to this moment, blissfully married to the love of my life, and the blessed mother of four boys and a stepson.
Even Alexander's premature passing through my body and my life had a reason. For a couple of years I was so busy searching for answers that I didn't see the reason for his being staring me in the face.
I look into the faces of my husband and my kids and I know I am right where I was always meant to be.
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