Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Explanations Flatline

It is difficult to explain to an average outsider what it is like to live on the inside of depression. It is frustratingly difficult to explain to two primary care physicians, whom I not only respect and admire, they have also become like a second family to me, who sincerely want to help, how deep and dark this hole I am currently in really is. I told one of the PCPs yesterday that I feel like I have nothing left to lose. Then I started to cry.

There is no crying at work!!

And it pisses me off every time I cry at work. It doesn't matter the reason. In fact I walked into work this morning in tears.  Actually, it DOES matter the reason. I get furious when I cry at work because I am frustrated. That, to me, shows emotional weakness.

Today
I cried
simply
because
I was
sad.

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