To What End? (December 2016)

I have a job interview on Wednesday (Yeah, me!) which meant I had to tear apart the POD to find everything I needed in which to do so.  I was going at a good clip, finding the things I need - when the tears started. Which brought me to a standstill as I had a rambling conversation with God about missing my kids, feeling to tired and beat up to continue dragging myself through what I think is a meaningless and useless life. 

Jack called me in for dinner, few words were exchanged while we ate, and afterward I went back out to the POD.

I had pretty much emptied the POD in search of the items needed, and found, when Jack came outside to make snarky comments about how better hurry up because it will be dark soon, blah blah. If he was so concerned about darkness coming, why didn't he pick up a box or two and help? Instead he went back into the house.  Later, I had my arms full of an 8-inch thick, queen-sized down feather bed so I tapped on the door with my foot. I could see him through the window and told him my arms were full so I couldn't open the door. He continued to sit in his chair. He made no motion whatsoever that would let me know he would come open the door. Really? Really?!

My dad keeps reminding me that I am a guest in his home. I get that. I am not, however his fucking housekeeper or cook. I'm a GUEST in his home. So either my definition of guest, as defined by Emily Post, is completely wrong or his and our parents definition is a big fat secret.

My anxiety level right now, on a scale of 1 to 10 is an absolute 10 so I am laying on Zane's bed, wishing like hell I had a Gordon Ramsey-sharp knife in my hand so I can just carve beautiful designs on every piece of my skin - right before I slit my wrists.

Edit: June 3, 2017

I forgot to mention that Jack-ass told his mother that I wanted him to re-pack the Pod. In hindsight I should have. Then, when he stepped inside the Pod, I would close the door and lock it. 

I can hear our parents now, "Do you know where Jack is?"

"No. No, I don't. Sorry." (Not sorry)

Bwahahaha