Last night I, once again, hit my shattering point. The sharp edges of every object available to me were begging me to make just one cut. Just one tiny cut to release all of this pain bottled up so deeply inside me. Instead, I did two very smart things.
I called a crisis helpline and after talking with her I pulled several blankets out of my POD and slept in my car at the farm. For whatever reason, Jack came out to the farm and noticed I was here. "Are you all right", he yelled? "Would it matter if I wasn"t?", I yelled back. "I've got kids", he yelled over his shoulder as he walked away.
That was the end of that. For now.
What I am sure will happen next is Jack will call Kay and blow everything out of proportion to suit THEIR fucked up needs, Kay will call me again to tell me how ungrateful, selfish and whatever else comes into her crazy head and I will be right back where I started.
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