Dear Henry

It is becoming much harder to choose my words when I have so many unanswered questions. Receiving only snippets about your life during the past 8 years and, while I have done my best to piece it all together, it still resembles a book with pages torn in half or out, then reassembled by someone sitting in pitch dark room -  wearing a blindfold.

When you reference something that you think I already know, "....so-and-so did such-and-such...AGAIN..." or mention an object that you have already had FOR THREE YEARS - I no longer bother trying to hold back the tears. I still have the (still) unopened anniversary card that was returned to me because you had no forwarding address on file.

Unabashedly, I tell people that I am married to the love of my life - because I am - and have been - for the past 16 years. I simply tell people that you live near his parents and travel around the globe for work. I leave out the fact that I haven't laid eyes on you in FOUR years. I don't tell them that I have seen you less than the fingers on my one hand in the past EIGHT YEARS.

You have been, for almost 20 years, part of my life. You are the air I breathe, and you are what keeps my heart beating. The things we've seen and done together, lessons that, together, we learned. You may not realize how many, many things you have taught me over the years. Not just about love and passion either. (Because of you I know how to start a boat sans key. Just sayin'.)

All of you is still part of every molecule of me. I carry you in my heart.  Because of that, I don't want to talk about the weather anymore. I want to talk about YOU and rediscover all the reasons I fell in love with you. I want to hear about where YOU are, on the inside. Please tell me about all the discoveries and changes YOU have made, for better or worse.

Then I want to hold you in my arms and tell you over and over again how much I love and respect you. I want you to hear me say, "I'm sorry" for all the things I have done to hurt you - then spend the rest of our lives proving to you how sorry I am.

Here I am. Here I will always be. I love you, LOML.