My heart is hurting in a way I never imagined it could. I have often said that no person on earth can hurt their parent worse than one of their own child. Never before has this been so devastatingly true for me than it has been within the past 53 days, and it is a pain that will never get better with time. Very soon one of my children will become a convicted sex offender - and a felon - for the rest of his life. Because he made horrible choices, he has changed the trajectory of his future and, worse, forever altered the life of his victim.
All day today I have stuffed down the urges to scream until my throat bleeds and all the vessels in my face have exploded into a grotesque fireworks display.
As hard as I try to balance the deluge of emotions, right now I feel my body being tugged to one side, and in my head I'm thinking, "Just let go, just let the weight of your body fall to one side...and...just...let...go..."
My whole being is steeped in fog so thick I can't breathe and I can't move my feet -- I can't even pick my feet up.
Nor do I want to.
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