I have been such a loser magnet that I am on my fourth marriage. And I finally got it right!!!! Instead of living with the losers, I married them. Except for my current husband who is the absolute best! (Always the bride, never the bridesmaid.)
It took a lot of therapy for me to realize why I was choosing guys who treated me horrendously. It turned out to be quite simple: I was creating my own chaos.
My parents divorced when I was 10, my oldest brother died in a car crash when he was 18 and I was 11. I moved back and forth between my parents several times. The list goes on and on...
My life growing up was complete, utter and total chaos. I attracted guys who enjoyed the drama of my messed up life and fed into it. Boy did they ever!
I expected to be treated badly, and I was. In spades.
One day, after my third marriage ended, the light went on. Okay, it was pretty dim at first, but it was a light nonetheless.
When my current husband and I got together I didn't know what a "good" relationship was. I had absolutely no idea. He was patient, kind, respectful, considerate....all the good things I had only read about. I didn't know how to handle it. I fought him every day, waiting for the other shoe to drop. In the beginning, when I felt he was getting too close and I was uncomfortable, I would create some sort of drama. I "knew" he would eventually leave because that is what always happened. At least that's what I told myself. I did my best to push him away, but he hung in there. I created my own chaos every chance I could because that is what I KNEW. I was COMFORTABLE in the chaos. It felt like home. And that was the problem. IT FELT LIKE HOME -- and it was time to MOVE!!!
I had to STOP creating chaos for our relationship to grow. I had to trust all the wonderful things he was telling me we could do and be together. I had to let go to finally fall in love and be loved in return. Really, honestly and truly, loved for me. Not the "drama" of me.
It took a lot of therapy for me to realize why I was choosing guys who treated me horrendously. It turned out to be quite simple: I was creating my own chaos.
My parents divorced when I was 10, my oldest brother died in a car crash when he was 18 and I was 11. I moved back and forth between my parents several times. The list goes on and on...
My life growing up was complete, utter and total chaos. I attracted guys who enjoyed the drama of my messed up life and fed into it. Boy did they ever!
I expected to be treated badly, and I was. In spades.
One day, after my third marriage ended, the light went on. Okay, it was pretty dim at first, but it was a light nonetheless.
When my current husband and I got together I didn't know what a "good" relationship was. I had absolutely no idea. He was patient, kind, respectful, considerate....all the good things I had only read about. I didn't know how to handle it. I fought him every day, waiting for the other shoe to drop. In the beginning, when I felt he was getting too close and I was uncomfortable, I would create some sort of drama. I "knew" he would eventually leave because that is what always happened. At least that's what I told myself. I did my best to push him away, but he hung in there. I created my own chaos every chance I could because that is what I KNEW. I was COMFORTABLE in the chaos. It felt like home. And that was the problem. IT FELT LIKE HOME -- and it was time to MOVE!!!
I had to STOP creating chaos for our relationship to grow. I had to trust all the wonderful things he was telling me we could do and be together. I had to let go to finally fall in love and be loved in return. Really, honestly and truly, loved for me. Not the "drama" of me.
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