Friday, December 19, 2003

Hunter's IEP

DH, as usual, called me this afternoon to tell me he was broke down on the side of the road and waiting for a tow truck so he wouldn't be visiting Hunter tonight. Ironically enough, today is DH's birthday. Surprise, surprise.

I attended Hunter's IEP (Individualized Education Plan) via conference call today and it appears we are all on the same page.

Unfortunately, Hunter had a meltdown shortly after the IEP ended -- although they didn't have to medicate him. He was able to attend dinner with his group in the cafeteria.

During our visit we read one of the books I bought him a few weeks ago. He was very agitated, easily frustrated and not able to stay on task.

Beginning tomorrow, Hunter's Abilify is reduced by one dose and his Lithium increased one dose.

I continue to see the oh-so-familiar-behavior and I can't help but be nervous about him meeting his goals. He's been there 30 days and they have seen his true colors -- a lot -- but my heart still aches.

He climbed into my lap, tucked his arms in and let me rock him. Although it didn't last, it still felt good. I miss him terribly.

I'm still uncertain about how to handle the holiday's with Matthew and Connor. There seems to be so much sadness and emptiness inside me -- how do the kids feel??

Jake is the only one who will have a semi-normal Christmas.

We have no Christmas decorations up, I have done zero shopping -- Henry's done most of it. I couldn't care less -- even trying to focus on the true spirit -- the holiness -- of the season, I feel empty.

It seems weird that Brother #2 and Brother #3 and I will be together on Sunday. I feel zero anxiety this time. I feel at peace since I forgave them -- and they don't even know it.

God, give me strength.

No comments: