(LOML = love of my life)
Henry is the most amazing man I have ever known. He is smart, funny, charming and incredibly sexy.
Some time ago I heard the following statement (I'm paraphrasing and if you know which movie it is, let me know!) -- "without you, I don't make sense". With Henry, that is the absolute truth. Every bad relationship habit I had (eventually) flew out the window. I had become so accustomed to choosing my words, overlooking small battles that eventually snow-balled into raging wars and settling for less than I thought I deserved. Until Henry, I had no idea what, actually, I deserved. He opened my eyes.
I am the first to admit, and boldly I might add, that I am NOT an easy person to live with. Especially when I am unmedicated. Which is how I was when Henry met me almost eight years ago. Every nice gesture Henry offered me back then was met with raised eyebrows as I wondered what the motive was behind it. I couldn't understand why somebody would do so many things just because he -- gasp -- wanted to. I fought him so hard in the beginning. At times I was positively dreadful. I was creating my own chaos because that was what I knew so well. I also knew that I loved him before I even met him.
Henry knew shortly after he met me that I came with a lot of baggage. He stayed anyway. If there was an ulterior motive, I am unaware of it. :-) When asked, he'll tell you he stayed because he loved me. That's all I need to know.
I don't recall how long Henry and I had been together before I started treating my depression with medication. Because of ECT I have fuzzy memories of me screaming at him and the kids, slamming doors and breaking things. Part of me wants to fully remember that period of time to measure just how far I've come. The other part of me is grateful for the memory lapses so I don't have to remember what a monster I was. I was high-maintenance in a truly horrifying way.
I was so guilty of getting wrapped up in my and Hunter's issues that I had to make a note-to-self to stop and look around and check on everybody else. Especially Henry because he is not a squeaky wheel. I am still guilty of not having him frequently at the top of my list of people to nurture. Although he is at the top of my list to love and respect.
Henry is the rock of our family without a doubt. My sons Matthew, Connor and Hunter and my step-son, Jake are living proof that blended families really can be successful and happy. One of my prayer's is that all of my boys forget the unmedicated monster I was but remember enough to know what an awful disease bipolar is and that it can be treated.
I know, and am very grateful, that Henry is my biggest fan. We have our own secret language and the look in his gold-and-green eyes tells me everything will be okay even when things are going horribly wrong.
A few years ago we were at the soccer field for Jake's game. I remember Henry and I sitting in chairs on the sideline and Hunter standing in front of us. I remember looking at Hunter in horror as his body began to fold into itself. His face drooped, his legs and arms were twisting into the center of his body and there was absolutely nothing behind his eyes. In an an instant Henry scooped Hunter up, gathered Jake and rushed us to the emergency room. It was a Tardive Dyskinesia reaction to a medication. After a dose of Benadryl, Hunter was as good as new. Little did Henry know at that time that he would later be rushing ME to the emergency room for the same reason. (I think Zyprexa was the cause for me.)
It is so easy to take for granted that Henry can handle any situation thrown at him, but he does. I have no memory of what happened after my deliberate overdose in August 2004. I do not know the look on Henry's face as he gathered me up and, with Jake in tow, drove me to the emergency room. I have had to ask him to fill in the blanks in my memory and in his voice there is a pain I have never heard before. A pain I wish I could erase for a moment he will never forget.
Henry is the most amazing man I have ever known. He is smart, funny, charming and incredibly sexy.
Some time ago I heard the following statement (I'm paraphrasing and if you know which movie it is, let me know!) -- "without you, I don't make sense". With Henry, that is the absolute truth. Every bad relationship habit I had (eventually) flew out the window. I had become so accustomed to choosing my words, overlooking small battles that eventually snow-balled into raging wars and settling for less than I thought I deserved. Until Henry, I had no idea what, actually, I deserved. He opened my eyes.
I am the first to admit, and boldly I might add, that I am NOT an easy person to live with. Especially when I am unmedicated. Which is how I was when Henry met me almost eight years ago. Every nice gesture Henry offered me back then was met with raised eyebrows as I wondered what the motive was behind it. I couldn't understand why somebody would do so many things just because he -- gasp -- wanted to. I fought him so hard in the beginning. At times I was positively dreadful. I was creating my own chaos because that was what I knew so well. I also knew that I loved him before I even met him.
Henry knew shortly after he met me that I came with a lot of baggage. He stayed anyway. If there was an ulterior motive, I am unaware of it. :-) When asked, he'll tell you he stayed because he loved me. That's all I need to know.
I don't recall how long Henry and I had been together before I started treating my depression with medication. Because of ECT I have fuzzy memories of me screaming at him and the kids, slamming doors and breaking things. Part of me wants to fully remember that period of time to measure just how far I've come. The other part of me is grateful for the memory lapses so I don't have to remember what a monster I was. I was high-maintenance in a truly horrifying way.
I was so guilty of getting wrapped up in my and Hunter's issues that I had to make a note-to-self to stop and look around and check on everybody else. Especially Henry because he is not a squeaky wheel. I am still guilty of not having him frequently at the top of my list of people to nurture. Although he is at the top of my list to love and respect.
Henry is the rock of our family without a doubt. My sons Matthew, Connor and Hunter and my step-son, Jake are living proof that blended families really can be successful and happy. One of my prayer's is that all of my boys forget the unmedicated monster I was but remember enough to know what an awful disease bipolar is and that it can be treated.
I know, and am very grateful, that Henry is my biggest fan. We have our own secret language and the look in his gold-and-green eyes tells me everything will be okay even when things are going horribly wrong.
A few years ago we were at the soccer field for Jake's game. I remember Henry and I sitting in chairs on the sideline and Hunter standing in front of us. I remember looking at Hunter in horror as his body began to fold into itself. His face drooped, his legs and arms were twisting into the center of his body and there was absolutely nothing behind his eyes. In an an instant Henry scooped Hunter up, gathered Jake and rushed us to the emergency room. It was a Tardive Dyskinesia reaction to a medication. After a dose of Benadryl, Hunter was as good as new. Little did Henry know at that time that he would later be rushing ME to the emergency room for the same reason. (I think Zyprexa was the cause for me.)
It is so easy to take for granted that Henry can handle any situation thrown at him, but he does. I have no memory of what happened after my deliberate overdose in August 2004. I do not know the look on Henry's face as he gathered me up and, with Jake in tow, drove me to the emergency room. I have had to ask him to fill in the blanks in my memory and in his voice there is a pain I have never heard before. A pain I wish I could erase for a moment he will never forget.
1 comment:
What a beautiful ode to someone who has obviously made your life more fulfilled.
I have my own "Henry" and I would simply die without him. He's my rock.
Glad the kids are okay.
CP.
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