I've been trying to keep a positive attitude these past few months and I'm here to tell you there have been days (oh boy have there been days!) I have been ready to chuck it (almost) all. Instead, I take a deep breath (or 37), read positive poetry and quotations, some from the Bible, and try to steady myself for the next wave of whatever is on its way.
Today, on Facebook, the following popped up on a friend's status. It's called "God Wants You to Know..." and it spoke volumes to me.
"God wants you to know that you got what it takes. God won't give you more than you can handle. Although there may have been times the world was caving in on you, you got through it. You are much strong than you think and with God's power, you are stronger than you can imagine. So charge ahead. You can handle it."
I have a lot on my plate right now. Mostly by accident - yet I am sometimes happy (?) for the distractions. I feel that if I stand too long in one place all the emotions I am carrying like Santa's sack of coal will take me out in one fell swoop. Trust me when I say that I have almost (almost!) cried as much these past few months as I did when I lost my son Alexander.
I cry a lot for Hunter. For the childhood he is missing out on. Then I shake myself and ask "what? a childhood like mine?" I wouldn't wish that on anybody. I cry a lot for Hunter and the birthday's/holiday's, etc., he's spent in psychiatric hospitals. I cry because my little boy is no longer little and I pray to God that I've always given Hunter my best - or at least apologized when I've made a mistake.
There is one part of my life that, when judgment day comes, I will pass with flying colors. And that has to do with Hunter. The rest? Meh...I'm not so sure.
I cry a lot for Connor and Matthew. Miracle of miracles I actually had all three of my boys together, at Hunter's hospital, just before my birthday in May. I don't hear from either one of them - of their own volition - yet they'll usually answer my text or Facebook messages.
I cry a lot for the demise of my marriage. I can't believe 11 years together has come to this. I can't tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep, woke up crying or burst into tears because of a stupid song on the radio. My heart is in shreds for soooo many reasons...I am not sure if I will ever recover...
Today, on Facebook, the following popped up on a friend's status. It's called "God Wants You to Know..." and it spoke volumes to me.
"God wants you to know that you got what it takes. God won't give you more than you can handle. Although there may have been times the world was caving in on you, you got through it. You are much strong than you think and with God's power, you are stronger than you can imagine. So charge ahead. You can handle it."
I have a lot on my plate right now. Mostly by accident - yet I am sometimes happy (?) for the distractions. I feel that if I stand too long in one place all the emotions I am carrying like Santa's sack of coal will take me out in one fell swoop. Trust me when I say that I have almost (almost!) cried as much these past few months as I did when I lost my son Alexander.
I cry a lot for Hunter. For the childhood he is missing out on. Then I shake myself and ask "what? a childhood like mine?" I wouldn't wish that on anybody. I cry a lot for Hunter and the birthday's/holiday's, etc., he's spent in psychiatric hospitals. I cry because my little boy is no longer little and I pray to God that I've always given Hunter my best - or at least apologized when I've made a mistake.
There is one part of my life that, when judgment day comes, I will pass with flying colors. And that has to do with Hunter. The rest? Meh...I'm not so sure.
I cry a lot for Connor and Matthew. Miracle of miracles I actually had all three of my boys together, at Hunter's hospital, just before my birthday in May. I don't hear from either one of them - of their own volition - yet they'll usually answer my text or Facebook messages.
I cry a lot for the demise of my marriage. I can't believe 11 years together has come to this. I can't tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep, woke up crying or burst into tears because of a stupid song on the radio. My heart is in shreds for soooo many reasons...I am not sure if I will ever recover...
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