Breathing

So often over the past 2 1/2 years I have awakened myself  gasping and choking for air.  As if I were drowning.  After reorientating myself to current space and time, it's always a variation of same nightmare. 

I notice my face, pillow and hair are wet and my throat feels raw.  And fuck! I fell asleep with my bedroom window open about six inches last night. Was I crying out loud?

At some point I will drift off again – into another fitful sleep.  Rinse and repeat.

The good news is that my weight continues to drop at a steady pace (80 lbs. +) and at some point, sooner rather than later, my hope is to melt into a crack in the sidewalk...and just disappear.