Selfish Seductive Suicide

Many people view those who choose or chose to end their lives on their own terms as selfish, while those of us who wish to end their lives view the world as selfish for either guilting us into staying or for interrupting when you should have just let it be.

Unless, and until, you personally have hung on to the edge of the world by just your fingernails — year after year after year — and you have sought out every form of treatment available — including electroconvulsive therapy and a vagus nerve stimulator implanted in your chest — you cannot even begin to understand just how seductive suicide is in comparison to living inside the head — MY head — of a person with a mental illness.

You want me to stay yet, what you don't know and what I can't bring myself to tell you is, on the inside, I have already died.  Over the years I may have won a million tiny battles against an enormously stigmatized and misunderstood disease, yet I no longer have the strength to keep up the fight to win the war.