Another September

The month of September completely unravels me and this year seems especially dark because I am actually having anxiety attacks, something I haven't experienced in years.  I think it has a lot to do with me having to stretch my medications so my prescriptions last a little longer than 30 days*.

The 19th anniversary of Alexander Lee's birth and death is September 13th.  I have a box of Alexander's things on a shelf in my closet and I took it down the other day and looked through it.  Inside are pictures of him from the hospital, his birth and death certificates, autopsy report, sympathy cards we received, a baby blanket, booklets on grief and grieving that the hospital gave us.

I read through his autopsy report, something I haven't done in probably 10 years, and looked at the photographs of him, which I do once a year or less.  I remember holding him in my arms that day and I remember he was very tiny.  It isn't until I look at photographs of him that I can visualize just how tiny he was.  

He was born on September 13, 1995 at 12:10 am and died at 12:14 am.  His four minutes of life were spent in my arms.  If my grief only lasted that long...

* Without health insurance my prescriptions, for a 30-day supply each, will cost me around $600 per month.