The Year is Ending

I have never been one to create a New Year's resolution and this year will be no different. Also, as in past years, I will be glad when this year comes to an end for no other reason than I just want it to be over.

After spending 12 days of December in a crisis shelter, I am now living in a homeless shelter.

On September 21st I voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric unit -- with the full support of my boss, "Dr. Mrs."  As I was leaving work, she embraced me and told me how much she loved me and how she always thought of us as sisters -- words I had heard many times over the years.  We were in constant contact while I was hospitalized. 

The night before they discharged me I took a comb to my arm in an attempt to saw it off. After discharge I carved the "C", "M", "H" and "Alex" on my right upper thigh with every sharp implement I could find in my apartment.  I was so pissed off that all my knives and scissors were dull as butter knives.  I had the instrument needed to sharpen yet had no idea how to do it, so I turned to YouTube.  That tutorial didn't help make them any sharper so I just dug in with the dull blades.  I wound up at a residential crisis center for two weeks. Then, to add insult to injury, I was evicted from my apartment and was fired from my job.  I was ready to slice my wrists until I remembered I didn't own anything sharp with which to do the job.

I had to beg the doctor to release me so I could get my apartment cleaned out.  Henry rented the Pod for me and I filled it up with absolutely everything I own.  It now sits parked in my stepbrother's driveway due to the brilliant idea of my dad, Kay and Jack for me to stay with him until I could get back on my feet. 

Staying with my stepbrother, being emotionally abused by him, taken advantage of by him, and being a live-in slave for him and his little piglets was too much and I was close to grabbing one of his shotguns and ending it all somewhere on the farm.  The treatment I have been receiving from my dad and stepmom is not any better than that of my stepbrother's -- in fact they have taken his side and have said some terrible things to me about me.

I have no grand hopes for 2017. I have no wishes or goals or things I want to accomplish.  In fact, right now, I don't care if I never leave this place.  That would suit me just fine.