Having been homeless for more than sixty days now (by choice, versus being verbally abused and taken advantage of by a family member if I stayed in that house) my eyes have been opened in ways I had never imagined and my life has been forever changed by what I have seen, heard and done.
I stayed in the first homeless shelter for 30 days where I slept dorm style with anywhere from 20 - 25 other women. We slept on bunkbeds, the rules were a constant moving target depending on who the gatekeeper is.
The most profound thing that happened to me happened on Wednesday, January 18, 2017 during Bible Study with Pastor Tom leading. He had been talking about hearing "the calling" of God, "listening for the calling", paying attention to when God calls upon you. I'm not joking when I say that I had no idea what "the calling" was. Would it be a letter? E-mail, telephone call? I had absolutely no clue. I almost raised my hand during Bible study to ask this silly (to me anyway) question when it hit me like a freight train.
God had been telling me for Years to PAY ATTENTION, yet I continued to follow my own path - which was leading nowhere. As Pastor Tom continued to preach, I began to cry, okay I'll be honest here, I was sobbing, with this realization.
For 25 years or more whenever I was overwhelmed with grief pain my prayer to Jesus was always, "Jesus, please take this pain from me. Jesus please take me home. Lord I beg you to take me home. I am putting my life in your hands, please, I beg you, please take me home."
What I didn't know, what I wasn't paying attention to, was that Jesus was listening to my cries and Jesus did exactly what * I * had asked him to do.
Jesus brought me "home" by taking my possessions from me (except for necessity's like medication), and that was when I found myself upon my knees praying for the people around me. Praying that centers in fear of losing would manage to stay open for another day. And I thanked God for all his blessing and for bringing me to this point in order to finally "hear" him.
Thank you God for another day.
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