White Shoulders

I was thirteen years old the summer of 1980. It had been two years since my mother pushed the only world I had ever known completely off its axis. It was also a little more than a year since my parents were divorced and my brother wrapped the family car around a tree and died. Or killed himself. The jury is still deadlocked on whether it was accidental or intentional. In either case he is D E A D.

My eldest male sibling was born on January 10, 1961, which was about six months after my parents were married, and yesterday would have been his 57th birthday. I rarely think about what his life may have been like if he was still above ground, yet when I do I wonder, if he were confronted, if he would own up to the sexual abuse he committed against me or completely deny it like his two brothers did. Fleeting thought.

Moving on.

I organized the very first Pop Warner squad of cheerleaders that summer, having been given the go ahead by the powers that be, and we were a HUGE success. Having six cousins that had been cheerleaders and, at that time, their youngest sibling still was - I was able to borrow "official" uniforms from the varsity cheerleaders at our high school for one of the games.

I will never forget the very first game. It was being held on the high school football field and, instead of me sitting on the railing watching the cheerleaders and cheering along with them, there were several young girls sitting on the railing watching US! 

The foundation had been laid for future squads.

Karen taught me how to sew - from selecting fabric, pinning the pattern and cutting to alterations. I had received a brand new Sears Singer sewing machine the Christmas before and I was thrilled that I was finally able to use it properly. Thirty-eight years later I still have that machine, in its original box. Correction: in its original-masking-duck-scotch-taped box that has definitely seen better days.

The summer festival came and went. I dressed as a clown and, after a young girl pointed to the 'Levi' tag on my shirt sleeve, "Levi the Clown" was born.

It was a White Shoulders summer. (Thank you, Karen!)