WTF?!

What a fucking nightmare. Matthew's dad (Dan) and I had a chance to talk yesterday before Matthew's preliminary court exam and it was crazy how we shared the same thoughts about everything that's going on. At one point, I leaned over to Dan and whispered, "It would have been easier if he just murdered somebody". Dan laughed out loud and said, "I know, right!" When Dan said he didn't know which side of court to sit on, I told him I had already figured it out: I was going to ask the judge for a chair and sit right in the middle!

Yesterday was the first time Matthew, Dan and I were all in the same room and not visiting with Matthew via video monitor. Seeing Matthew walk into the courtroom wearing handcuffs and shackles caused the reality of the situation to take my breath away. Not that I wasn't already holding my breath.

Dan, the attorney and I sat in a little room to discuss everything and all of us were in agreement that Matthew wouldn't survive a long prison sentence, "He'll hang himself, I said out loud. Dan and the attorney nodded their heads in agreement.

Matthew waived the preliminary exam in order to keep the victim from testifying and all of us breathed a sigh of relief.