Blink

If I blink really, really fast, then close my eyes really, really tight and click my heels together three times...would I be able to fly over and above everything currently causing me so much heartache?

Fuck you, Dorothy! I ain't been in Kansas in a long long time and home, well, fuck that too because that's a big fat lie.

I don't want to "peel back the layers" to get to the anger in order to deal with it either. There is nobody to give a fuck whether I'm angry, happy, sad...what-the-fuck-ever.

I hate my birthday. It has nothing at all to do with getting older and everything to do with acknowledging it - again - alone.

I hate my mother for being a lying whore and not sticking up for me.

I hate Mark and Jeff because all I can think about is how badly I want t punch each of them in the throat.

I hate the fact that my eldest son is going to prison and feeling pulled in different directions to be supportive. I hate the fact that this has brought all of my own sexual abuse memories to the surface and they're choking me.

I hate that I cannot just curl into the fetal position and sink far beneath the earth.

I hate that I hate everything that I hate that hates me too.