(Regarding my son's "separation" from Air Force BMT.)
Yesterday (Wednesday) was a whirligig of a day and, as usual, I can't sleep. Yeah, it's 3:19 AM and, except for my son, Connor, all my boys are tucked safely in their beds above me.
When Matthew finally exited the baggage claim area to where my Jeep was waiting, I couldn't help but tell him that I didn't know whether I should hug him or hit him.
I had a thoroughly rehearsed speech in my head of all the things I wanted to say to him - but I held my tongue, wrapped my arms around him instead, then loaded him up before the cops chased us out of there for loitering and we headed to a nearby restaurant.
The first thing I did after we were seated was read through the packet of information Matthew brought home. (Okay, I dissected it.) I am so very, very glad I held my tongue up to that point.
Finally, FINALLY, I had very clear picture of how the ELS went down. To sum it up – Matthew had absolutely no choice – for two reasons. And FINALLY, Matthew and I were face to face and I was able to SEE just how badly he wanted to stay. There is no longer a doubt in my mind that he truly WAS committed to go the distance and make the Air Force a career – his plan for-(almost)-ever.
Although Matthew was given uncharacterized ELS, the "Notification Memorandum" also states the basis for discharge falls under the provisions of Defective Enlistments, Erroneous Enlistment. He is ineligible for re-enlistment unless his condition is resolved in accordance with AFI 48-213. (I haven't looked that up yet.)
(Lunch conversation continues after this rant...)
___________________________________
A medical narrative summary dated 19NOV07 and sent to the commander found he "did not even meet minimum medical standards to enlist" and that he "should not have been allowed to join the Air Force because you have limb pain." The Commander "did not ask the Air Force to give you a disability separation because the medical staff found you unqualified."
Yeah, it was right about there that my heart climbed up into my throat rendering me completely speechless and my eyes started to water. I couldn't even look Matthew in the face so I flipped the page. Apparently this "limb pain" existed prior to enlistment (news to me) and Matthew didn't disclose it to MEPS because he was "asymptomatic" each time he was there. Further down THAT page it states again that unless his condition is resolved, he is in-eligible for re-entry. And right below that little nugget the word "not recommended" is circled.
Ooooohhhhhhh, it gets better. When Matthew was at MEPS in March, he measured 6' 5 1/2" tall and barely wobbled the scale at 147 pounds. (I think a staff person put their foot on it to help him out. LOL) The minimum weight for his height is 156 pounds. When Matthew was weighed on 20 OCT 07, he was seven pounds lighter at 140 pounds.
His "PT Initial" BMI was 18.1. (I am actually laughing about this as I type!) Because his BMI was so low, on 22OCT07 Matthew was given a waiver allowing him extra portions and extra time to eat.
What I'm guessing is a "boilerplate" for separations in general, is confusing and basically a bunch of pages of "maybe's". My understanding of all of it is that you may or may not have been in the Air Force, but you'll need the DD214 if you apply for military benefits, and without the info on copy 4, your application for unemployment benefits may be delayed. And the VA "should" contact you within 60 days and if they don't, you should call them if you wish to keep the life insurance beyond the 120 days.
Then there's something called "Transition Assistance Services for Entry Level Discharges" of which Matthew is "eligible for limited transition assistance services" for the first 90 days after separation. But – only on a "space available basis". Say what?
Unemployment compensation could be a possibility, but if Matthew may or may not have existed in the Air Force then how is that possible? Then there is a bunch of verbiage about eligibility, and the law makes him eligible if it was an "honorable" separation prior to finishing his first full term. Sheesh!
So where, on Matthew's DD214, is the "narrative reasons" code that the government provides a list of to the State Employment Security Agencies? Because the SESA using that "list" in conjunction with the DD214 to determine eligibility. (Edit: I found the narrative reason – just to the left of the box that says "Member Requests Copy 4", "N/A" and Matthew's initials – and it says "failed medical/physical procurement standards".)
Then, because the reader isn't quite confused enough about unemployment compensation eligibility it says this: "By law, only those who separate (voluntarily or involuntarily) under very restricted conditions can be eligible if they did not complete their initial enlistment."
For those of you still reading, I apologize for the outrageous length of this message. I was hoping that by spelling it all out I might understand it better. ~sigh~ Nope. I don't.
___________________________________
After I finished reading everything and invisibly pulled myself together, I still spilled the rehearsed speech that had been rolling around in my head for the previous twelve hours. A very, very, watered-down (almost to the point of drowning it) version.
I was so completely humbled by a small stack of papers (that were bad-copies-of-bad-copies-of-worse-copies-of-an-original) that it reduced my anger and frustration to empathy/sympathy, and a dash of compassion with a nice dollop of guilt on top. For good measure, of course.
I was quietly honest with Matthew about how I had been feeling the past few months – his behavior before he DEP'd out, the lack of communication with a PARENT about what was going on at BMT, "assuming" that his friend was providing very important information to us and how totally mucked up that was.
Especially because we were provided almost no information whatsoever – AND Matthew's dad and I were given completely different versions of what was *really* going on. Which, after reading the paperwork and looking back, almost every tidbit of the next-to-no-information we received from her was not even remotely accurate?
Geez, even information Matthew shared with us – the person who is up close and personal with the action – was so full of holes that you could drive a cargo plane through it!
The look of disappointment on the slightly tanned face of my son, staring back at me across the lunch table spoke volumes to me yesterday. For all his quirks and immaturity – and past decisions processed in his genius brain that have left me shaking my head, I remembered my first-born son as a little boy with a dream of someday piloting a fighter jet.
I blinked and saw a too-tall-(and still growing)-for-fighter-jets teenager, holding tightly to a slightly revised version of that dream. Before I knew it, I was watching a young man with a solid plan to turn that revised dream into a reality.
Yesterday – in an instant – I saw a genuinely disappointed and heartbroken man, my son, wrestle what was left of his childhood dream away from that stubborn little boy (who wasn't about to give it up without a fight) and set it free.
Together, Matthew and I have already begun to map out "Plan C". Today is a new day and already brimming with promise, and tomorrow is another new day waiting to be explored. And finally, for the first time in for.ever. I feel a wee amount of peace and just a smidgeon of calm.
So, I think I'll go kiss all of my sleeping sons and crawl into bed next to the love of my life...because without that amazing man, I don't make sense.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends.
Yesterday (Wednesday) was a whirligig of a day and, as usual, I can't sleep. Yeah, it's 3:19 AM and, except for my son, Connor, all my boys are tucked safely in their beds above me.
When Matthew finally exited the baggage claim area to where my Jeep was waiting, I couldn't help but tell him that I didn't know whether I should hug him or hit him.
I had a thoroughly rehearsed speech in my head of all the things I wanted to say to him - but I held my tongue, wrapped my arms around him instead, then loaded him up before the cops chased us out of there for loitering and we headed to a nearby restaurant.
The first thing I did after we were seated was read through the packet of information Matthew brought home. (Okay, I dissected it.) I am so very, very glad I held my tongue up to that point.
Finally, FINALLY, I had very clear picture of how the ELS went down. To sum it up – Matthew had absolutely no choice – for two reasons. And FINALLY, Matthew and I were face to face and I was able to SEE just how badly he wanted to stay. There is no longer a doubt in my mind that he truly WAS committed to go the distance and make the Air Force a career – his plan for-(almost)-ever.
Although Matthew was given uncharacterized ELS, the "Notification Memorandum" also states the basis for discharge falls under the provisions of Defective Enlistments, Erroneous Enlistment. He is ineligible for re-enlistment unless his condition is resolved in accordance with AFI 48-213. (I haven't looked that up yet.)
(Lunch conversation continues after this rant...)
___________________________________
A medical narrative summary dated 19NOV07 and sent to the commander found he "did not even meet minimum medical standards to enlist" and that he "should not have been allowed to join the Air Force because you have limb pain." The Commander "did not ask the Air Force to give you a disability separation because the medical staff found you unqualified."
Yeah, it was right about there that my heart climbed up into my throat rendering me completely speechless and my eyes started to water. I couldn't even look Matthew in the face so I flipped the page. Apparently this "limb pain" existed prior to enlistment (news to me) and Matthew didn't disclose it to MEPS because he was "asymptomatic" each time he was there. Further down THAT page it states again that unless his condition is resolved, he is in-eligible for re-entry. And right below that little nugget the word "not recommended" is circled.
Ooooohhhhhhh, it gets better. When Matthew was at MEPS in March, he measured 6' 5 1/2" tall and barely wobbled the scale at 147 pounds. (I think a staff person put their foot on it to help him out. LOL) The minimum weight for his height is 156 pounds. When Matthew was weighed on 20 OCT 07, he was seven pounds lighter at 140 pounds.
His "PT Initial" BMI was 18.1. (I am actually laughing about this as I type!) Because his BMI was so low, on 22OCT07 Matthew was given a waiver allowing him extra portions and extra time to eat.
What I'm guessing is a "boilerplate" for separations in general, is confusing and basically a bunch of pages of "maybe's". My understanding of all of it is that you may or may not have been in the Air Force, but you'll need the DD214 if you apply for military benefits, and without the info on copy 4, your application for unemployment benefits may be delayed. And the VA "should" contact you within 60 days and if they don't, you should call them if you wish to keep the life insurance beyond the 120 days.
Then there's something called "Transition Assistance Services for Entry Level Discharges" of which Matthew is "eligible for limited transition assistance services" for the first 90 days after separation. But – only on a "space available basis". Say what?
Unemployment compensation could be a possibility, but if Matthew may or may not have existed in the Air Force then how is that possible? Then there is a bunch of verbiage about eligibility, and the law makes him eligible if it was an "honorable" separation prior to finishing his first full term. Sheesh!
So where, on Matthew's DD214, is the "narrative reasons" code that the government provides a list of to the State Employment Security Agencies? Because the SESA using that "list" in conjunction with the DD214 to determine eligibility. (Edit: I found the narrative reason – just to the left of the box that says "Member Requests Copy 4", "N/A" and Matthew's initials – and it says "failed medical/physical procurement standards".)
Then, because the reader isn't quite confused enough about unemployment compensation eligibility it says this: "By law, only those who separate (voluntarily or involuntarily) under very restricted conditions can be eligible if they did not complete their initial enlistment."
For those of you still reading, I apologize for the outrageous length of this message. I was hoping that by spelling it all out I might understand it better. ~sigh~ Nope. I don't.
___________________________________
After I finished reading everything and invisibly pulled myself together, I still spilled the rehearsed speech that had been rolling around in my head for the previous twelve hours. A very, very, watered-down (almost to the point of drowning it) version.
I was so completely humbled by a small stack of papers (that were bad-copies-of-bad-copies-of-worse-copies-of-an-original) that it reduced my anger and frustration to empathy/sympathy, and a dash of compassion with a nice dollop of guilt on top. For good measure, of course.
I was quietly honest with Matthew about how I had been feeling the past few months – his behavior before he DEP'd out, the lack of communication with a PARENT about what was going on at BMT, "assuming" that his friend was providing very important information to us and how totally mucked up that was.
Especially because we were provided almost no information whatsoever – AND Matthew's dad and I were given completely different versions of what was *really* going on. Which, after reading the paperwork and looking back, almost every tidbit of the next-to-no-information we received from her was not even remotely accurate?
Geez, even information Matthew shared with us – the person who is up close and personal with the action – was so full of holes that you could drive a cargo plane through it!
The look of disappointment on the slightly tanned face of my son, staring back at me across the lunch table spoke volumes to me yesterday. For all his quirks and immaturity – and past decisions processed in his genius brain that have left me shaking my head, I remembered my first-born son as a little boy with a dream of someday piloting a fighter jet.
I blinked and saw a too-tall-(and still growing)-for-fighter-jets teenager, holding tightly to a slightly revised version of that dream. Before I knew it, I was watching a young man with a solid plan to turn that revised dream into a reality.
Yesterday – in an instant – I saw a genuinely disappointed and heartbroken man, my son, wrestle what was left of his childhood dream away from that stubborn little boy (who wasn't about to give it up without a fight) and set it free.
Together, Matthew and I have already begun to map out "Plan C". Today is a new day and already brimming with promise, and tomorrow is another new day waiting to be explored. And finally, for the first time in for.ever. I feel a wee amount of peace and just a smidgeon of calm.
So, I think I'll go kiss all of my sleeping sons and crawl into bed next to the love of my life...because without that amazing man, I don't make sense.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends.