When I underwent Electro-Convulsive Therapy (ECT) a few years ago, I 'lost' six months of my life. I also lost a lot of my long-term memory and had difficulty for a long time with my short-term memory. Actually, I still have a little trouble with my short-term memory but have figured out a couple of ways to compensate for it.
For a long while after the completion of ECT, I struggled horribly trying to remember things that had happened before and during these treatments. It eventually turned into a running joke between Henry and me because he prefaced his sentences with: "You probably don't remember this, but..."
Henry became the keeper of 'My Memory'. Which was critical on so many different levels - especially having to do with the immense details regarding health, medication and hospitalizations for not only me, but for Hunter as well. Henry had been helping me every step of the way in advocating for Hunter's special needs - so he knew all the history when I didn't.
I knew that in losing Henry, he would take those memories with him. And I remember wondering how Hunter and I could survive without them?
It hasn't been easy and it wasn't until just recently that I wished I knew then what I know now - because I would have gladly handed over every memory I do remember - to him to take too.
I can no longer properly buffer the intense pain that comes with a memory of 'us'. And it seems that lately there are a lot of reminders because apparently I haven't been tortured quite enough yet.
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