A Choking Game He Survived

After spending 18 months in a residential treatment facility for behavioral issues relating to Asperger's and Bipolar disorder, Hunter returned home to me in July 2011.  He and I, together and separately, received in-home support services for several months after his return to help with his transition back into the community and back into our home.

In early May 2012 I received a phone call from Hunter, who was 15 at the time, just as I was getting into my car after work to drive home.  He said, "Mom, my nose won't stop bleeding. What do I do?"  I gave him instructions and told him I was just leaving work and would see him in a few minutes. (I work less than 3 miles from home.)  I didn't think much more of Hunter's bloody nose until my phone rang again and it was the manager of the apartment complex calling me.  "Carrie, this is Shelly, I just wanted to give you a heads up of what was going on over here..."  I quickly ended the call with Shelly -- and dialed 911.

From Shelly I had learned that Hunter was at his friend Knucklehead's house and Knucklehead, who is a year younger than Hunter, was teaching Hunter how to play "California Knock Out".  This "game", first of all, is NOT a "game", it is known by too many names to list, and it is a DEADLY game.  As such, I will not list exactly how "California Knock Out" is played, only what is relevant to the injuries Hunter received.

When I pulled in front of Knucklehead's townhouse, I saw Hunter sitting on the front stoop with a big wad of paper towels covering the majority of his face; from his eyes down.  Shelly approached me as I got out of my car and told me she heard commotion outside of the office (Knucklehead and his family live next door to the complex office) and stepped outside to investigate.  When she saw what was going on, she called me immediately.  (I arrived before the paramedics did.)

Knowing Hunter as well as I do, means knowing that he has much difficulty reading social queues so everything about my physical presence -- the look on my face, my voice, my movements -- everything I do has to let Hunter know that everything is okay.  That proverbial "poker face".  I'm still under the impression that he just has a wicked bloody nose so I'm joking with him until I get up close enough and ask him to move the paper towels so I can have a look at what's going on.

NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Prepared me for what I saw when he removed the paper towels from his face.  (Paramedics still haven't arrived.)

On the outside I was cool as a cucumber and in complete control.  Inside my head however, I was screaming "WTF?! OMG! WTF?! OMG!" over and over...

The National Ski Patroller and Certified Medical Assistant roles fall in behind "Mom" as I continue cracking jokes with Hunter while checking him over.  (Where are the paramedics?)  Thankfully his nose stopped bleeding, although it looked like it was broken.  There were abrasions covering large parts of his face and neck, and he chipped a front tooth.  According to Knucklehead and other witnesses, Hunter was unconscious for a period of time.

Finally, the paramedics arrive and after finishing their protocol they load him up and head to the emergency department with me following behind in my car.

Once Hunter and I are settled in the emergency department and are waiting for him to be seen we finally have a chance to talk about what happened.  Hunter had no recollection of that particular instance of that "game" yet did remember he and Knucklehead each having a turn just prior to him being felled by it.  This day was the only day Hunter had ever participated in this type of activity and it was Knucklehead who introduced him to it.

First off, Hunter at that time was close to 6' tall and Knucklehead around 5'5" tall.  Hunter was standing with his back against a brick wall with a cement stoop (in the front of a 2 story townhouse) on his right.  Hunter fell UNCONSCIOUS and so hard upon the stoop that Knucklehead's sister, who was in a back bedroom on the second floor, HEARD and FELT Hunter's head hit the stoop.

Hunter could feel the dried blood on his face and the chipped tooth and wondered if I had a mirror in my purse so he could see what his face looked like.  I didn't have a mirror, yet I did have my cellphone and with Hunter's permission I captured a few pictures.  Hunter also made a video warning kids to NOT try this game.  Thankfully, Hunter's nose was not broken, there was no damage to his heart, lungs or ribs and, as far as we know, no harm to his brain.

After Hunter and I returned home from the hospital we walked over to Knucklehead's house.  Hunter wanted Knucklehead to know that he was okay and I wanted a chance to speak with Knucklehead's mom.  Although she wasn't home that evening, she and I and the kids sat down together a few nights later and she was NOT a happy mom. AT. ALL.  Apparently -- and very recent to this event -- she had purposely sat Knucklehead and his sister, who is a year or two younger than he is, down to watch a program regarding this specific "game" so they themselves would NOT play it and so if they saw other kids engaged in this activity they would alert an adult immediately.  To say she was livid...

Happy New Year?

I wish that ~ more than anything ~ this year will be a happy year. So far it's not looking very good.

I have been loathing sitting down and adding a new entry to my blog. Until a few moments ago, literally, I couldn't put my finger on the reason why. It finally occurred to me that I am afraid of the tears.

I am not scared of the tears themselves, rather I am terrified of the emotions that are bottled up behind them. The emotions are raw, potent and deep and what bubbles to the surface now and again rock me to my core.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Hunter ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Today we went to court with Hunter regarding his assault and battery charges. In addition to a woman from Child Protective Services following us, Hunter now has a Probation Officer. In exchange for a guilty plea (which we planned all along because Hunter admits what he did), of the three cases pending, totaling six people assaulted, two of the cases (five people) were dismissed. The remaining case/charge is against his teacher.

How did CPS become involved you ask? Well, right before Christmas Hunter pulled a knife on his stepbrother with every intent on killing him. (Henry intervened.) I was asleep at the time of the incident and woke up the next morning to find a very large knife laying on a table near my side of the bed.

I was furious.

When I woke Hunter for school the next morning I bombarded him with questions and statements. "What were you thinking?!", "Do you have any idea what will happen to you if you kill somebody?!" On and on I went.

Up until that moment Hunter had never seen me so livid and I think at first it surprised him. I pushed (verbally) too far and Hunter became frustrated. When he becomes frustrated he gets angry, when he gets angry he becomes violent. When he walked away from me and descended the stairs to the first floor bathroom, I was right on his heels.

As I moved to grab his arm, a quick succession of punches were sent in my direction, landing in various places on my body. I fought back. That is until Hunter grabbed and tangled his one hand in my very long hair. Our bodies were so close together that the only body part of his exposed to me was an arm, so I bit him. HARD. By this time my stepson, Jake, had intervened and had Hunter pinned up against the bathroom mirror and Hunter let go of my hair.

When I retreated upstairs I heard Jake talking to Hunter and Hunter calmed down enough to finish preparing for school. Shortly after, and still shaking, I left for work and Hunter left for school.

Later that afternoon I received a call from the school nurse, someone who has known Hunter and our family since he was in kindergarten. She started off by saying she and the staff at his former elementary school and current junior high school were behind Henry and me 100%. She said everyone knows we are great parents and that we are totally involved with helping Hunter and that it hasn't been an easy road.

Then came the "but"...the teacher noticed the bite mark on his arm and they were required to report it to either CPS or the police and which one did I want them to turn to? I told her to call CPS because the police would defer us to them and it would just eliminate the monkey-in-the-middle.

So that's how CPS became involved in our lives. Although I don't *dislike* the CPS worker, she does have a tendency to annoy me greatly with her idiosyncrasies.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Relationships ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The stress of all things Hunter are more than enough for me. Unfortunately, on top of that, my relationship with my husband hasn't been what it used to be, although very recently, it has slightly improved.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Health ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

My health is still not the best and more issues have arisen that, in addition to their own set of symptoms, only exacerbate the tiredness and fatigue I already feel from the diseases we already knew about.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Activities ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

One thing I am fighting hard for is to stay active and not let the tiredness and fatigue cause me to sleep my life away.

I recently began training for the National Ski Patrol ~ even though I'm a snowboarder ~ at one of our local ski areas. Currently it's on-hill training, twice a week, (plus one duty shift a week) and it totally wears me out. Yet I LOVE the exhilarated feeling I get when I'm learning a new skill and I finally accomplish it, or I'm just free-styling wide-open down the hill.

Being outside ~ and in the cool air ~ is a bonus!

I am still viciously determined that 2010 be a much better year than 2009.

Only time will tell...