Happy New Year?

I wish that ~ more than anything ~ this year will be a happy year. So far it's not looking very good.

I have been loathing sitting down and adding a new entry to my blog. Until a few moments ago, literally, I couldn't put my finger on the reason why. It finally occurred to me that I am afraid of the tears.

I am not scared of the tears themselves, rather I am terrified of the emotions that are bottled up behind them. The emotions are raw, potent and deep and what bubbles to the surface now and again rock me to my core.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Hunter ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Today we went to court with Hunter regarding his assault and battery charges. In addition to a woman from Child Protective Services following us, Hunter now has a Probation Officer. In exchange for a guilty plea (which we planned all along because Hunter admits what he did), of the three cases pending, totaling six people assaulted, two of the cases (five people) were dismissed. The remaining case/charge is against his teacher.

How did CPS become involved you ask? Well, right before Christmas Hunter pulled a knife on his stepbrother with every intent on killing him. (Henry intervened.) I was asleep at the time of the incident and woke up the next morning to find a very large knife laying on a table near my side of the bed.

I was furious.

When I woke Hunter for school the next morning I bombarded him with questions and statements. "What were you thinking?!", "Do you have any idea what will happen to you if you kill somebody?!" On and on I went.

Up until that moment Hunter had never seen me so livid and I think at first it surprised him. I pushed (verbally) too far and Hunter became frustrated. When he becomes frustrated he gets angry, when he gets angry he becomes violent. When he walked away from me and descended the stairs to the first floor bathroom, I was right on his heels.

As I moved to grab his arm, a quick succession of punches were sent in my direction, landing in various places on my body. I fought back. That is until Hunter grabbed and tangled his one hand in my very long hair. Our bodies were so close together that the only body part of his exposed to me was an arm, so I bit him. HARD. By this time my stepson, Jake, had intervened and had Hunter pinned up against the bathroom mirror and Hunter let go of my hair.

When I retreated upstairs I heard Jake talking to Hunter and Hunter calmed down enough to finish preparing for school. Shortly after, and still shaking, I left for work and Hunter left for school.

Later that afternoon I received a call from the school nurse, someone who has known Hunter and our family since he was in kindergarten. She started off by saying she and the staff at his former elementary school and current junior high school were behind Henry and me 100%. She said everyone knows we are great parents and that we are totally involved with helping Hunter and that it hasn't been an easy road.

Then came the "but"...the teacher noticed the bite mark on his arm and they were required to report it to either CPS or the police and which one did I want them to turn to? I told her to call CPS because the police would defer us to them and it would just eliminate the monkey-in-the-middle.

So that's how CPS became involved in our lives. Although I don't *dislike* the CPS worker, she does have a tendency to annoy me greatly with her idiosyncrasies.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Relationships ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The stress of all things Hunter are more than enough for me. Unfortunately, on top of that, my relationship with my husband hasn't been what it used to be, although very recently, it has slightly improved.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Health ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

My health is still not the best and more issues have arisen that, in addition to their own set of symptoms, only exacerbate the tiredness and fatigue I already feel from the diseases we already knew about.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Activities ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

One thing I am fighting hard for is to stay active and not let the tiredness and fatigue cause me to sleep my life away.

I recently began training for the National Ski Patrol ~ even though I'm a snowboarder ~ at one of our local ski areas. Currently it's on-hill training, twice a week, (plus one duty shift a week) and it totally wears me out. Yet I LOVE the exhilarated feeling I get when I'm learning a new skill and I finally accomplish it, or I'm just free-styling wide-open down the hill.

Being outside ~ and in the cool air ~ is a bonus!

I am still viciously determined that 2010 be a much better year than 2009.

Only time will tell...

Community Service

Last spring, right before school let out for summer vacation, Hunter had an incident at school where he broke a glass (yes, GLASS) chalkboard. Subsequently the police were notified, a police report was written up and Hunter was ordered to appear before the Juvenile Court's referee. Henry and I fully supported the chain of events and together, the three of us, appeared before the referee.

It was quite obvious that the referee we met with had been dealing with juveniles for a very long time and Henry and I left the meeting quite impressed with the way the referee spoke to Hunter and even more impressed with the way Hunter comported himself in front of the him.

Because Hunter was a "first time offender" and, Henry and I believed, the referee was also impressed with Hunter, he referred us to a mediator to resolve restitution.

Recently, Hunter and I met with two mediators as well as the principal of his former school. The five of us sat down and talked about what lead up to Hunter shattering the chalkboard in a fit of anger, then we discussed what Hunter could do to make reparations.

We came out of the meeting with Hunter having to write a letter to his new teachers to let them know how his body feels when he starts to lose control, what they can do to help, as well as what not to do (causing him to escalate out of control). Additionally, Hunter must perform 15-20 hours of community service.

For the past two days, as well as tomorrow, Hunter and I have been volunteers at an arts and crafts booth at a very large, and annual, festival in a neighboring town. By the end of the weekend he will have satisfied 15 hours of his mandatory community service and his file will be sealed.

Although an "arts and crafts" booth (actually a long table under a tent) sounds like an easy way out, there really is much more work to this particular one than even I imagined. And I'm a crafts-person! (In looking for a volunteer activity for Hunter it made sense for me to select something that interested me, too.)

Our booth is located inside "Kids Village" ~ directly in front of the main entrance to that fenced-in area. Being that the craft project is free, we have served a LOT of kids the past two days and I am certain tomorrow will be just as busy, if not busier being that it will be the last day of the festival.

The company hosting the booth gathers recyclable materials from area businesses and travels to schools, scout groups, birthday parties ~ wherever kids are ~ to provide bits and pieces of things to turn into works of art.

The art project we are helping the kids create is called a "Windjammer".

Using remnants of gaskets for automobiles (black foam circles with one sticky side), Popsicle sticks (as a handle), multicolored ribbons of paper (to dance in the wind), shiny black ribbons of video cassette tape (from a television station), and a box full of odds and ends (ticket stubs, beads, buttons, wooden letters, etc.) to decorate it with.

When the child has finished decorating the "face" of the windjammer we pour "Pixie Dust" (green, glittered sand) over it to remove the remaining stickiness so it doesn't get stuck in hair or on clothes. The kids LOVE it!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Every now and again Hunter will say something to me that totally knocks my socks off. Yesterday, as soon as we figured out which area of the festival we would be in and he discovered several carnival rides, he asked me a few times if he could ride the rides. Of course I refused him because he was there satisfy his community service requirement, not play.

By the end of the day both of us were tired from being in the sun and heat, and overstimulated by the busy-ness of the booth and five different music booths competing for attention by attempting to be the loudest, so all I wanted to do was hop on the shuttle bus, get our vehicle and go home.

As we left "Kids Village" Hunter turned to me and remarked, "I don't deserve to ride the rides today because I didn't help you as much as I should have."

I. Was. Floored.

Granted we forgot Hunter's medication before we left the house and I had to have Henry drive it up to us, but Hunter had a terrific day anyway. To hear him say he didn't "deserve" something really blew me away.

After I picked my jaw up off my shoes I replied "You're right, Hunter and I am pleased to hear you recognize that in yourself.

Today, while dealing with a VERY crazy-busy crowd of kids, Hunter said this: "I have to say, Mom, you are really great with kids!"

That's MY boy!