Domestic Violence x2, Assault & Battery

Eleven days ago, and in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, my eldest son Matthew was physically assaulted by his roommate - a big brute of a guy that outweighs him by about a hundred pounds. Matthew - being Matthew - shared this information by sending me a photograph of, what to me looked like a simple bloody nose. Upon closer inspection, I noticed his left nostril was partially disconnected from his face.

In my head I was completely freaking out. Just as I did with Hunter a few years ago, when the neighbor kid showed him how to play the "choking game". The only difference being that I was face-to-face with Hunter - and with Hunter having difficulty reading facial expressions - I had to stay upbeat and joke around with him.

I fell apart later though, after the emergency department gave us the all clear, and I could hide behind a closed bedroom door and bury myself under the mountain of blankets on my bed.

Since Matthew shared a photograph of the damage to his face before telling me what actually happened - my level of freaking was mild compared to the height my freak flew when I heard the rest of the story. Which took more than 24 hours to extract from him.

Then, I sobbed uncontrollably. Hidden behind the wall of technology.

The scuffle started when Matthew agreed with the roommate's girlfriend that he, the roommate, needed therapy for his explosive temper, fury and deep, dark depression - which he then unleashed on my son. While the RM (roommate)was pummeling Matthew to the floor, the RM's girlfriend fled the apartment and Matthew, curled into a ball on the floor of his bedroom, taking punches to his body, was quietly hoping she would call the police.

She.
Did.
Not.

The RM's GF (girlfriend) did NOT call the police - not during the beat down, not after, nor in the days following. I was livid.

Somehow, Matthew was able to get a ride to and dropped off at the emergency department by the RM and his girlfriend. Having no alternative place to stay, Matthew had no choice but to return to the apartment he shared with the bully and, fearing for his life, unable to close his eyes to sleep.

The next day Matthew was starting to feel the extent of the RM's anger with difficulty breathing from bruised ribs - and chest pains - his body ached all over.

The college term was nearing its end and Matthew was looking at several days of exams before winter break began and, with one term remaining, graduation is within his reach - he could not miss these exams.

The next day, after exams and consulting with an attorney, Matthew went to the police department and filed a complaint against his roommate. That night Matthew snuck into a classroom on campus and, compacting all 6'7" of himself, he crawled underneath a desk. For Matthew, it would be another night without sleep.

A few days later, the RM and his girlfriend went to see a midnight release of a new movie and, after returning to the apartment, RM wanted to tell Matthew all about it so Matthew gave him permission to enter his bedroom. Matthew did his best to keep the tone light and upbeat yet eventually the RM became agitated and started blaming Matthew for the recent assault. "You made me do it", he told to Matthew. When the RM got up to get a drink from the kitchen, Matthew closed his bedroom door and, whispering into his phone, summoned the police.

Timing is everything.

Just as the RM was headed back in the direction of Matthew's bedroom there was a knock on the apartment door. The RM, already quite irritated and wound up was not happy with the interruption, yet he did  change direction and answered the door - there were now two police officers standing in front of him.

The RM has yet to be arrested.

One of the police officers took Matthew to the student center on campus and, after obtaining permission from security, Matthew was allowed to stay in the building. Another sleepless night.

Finally, the exams were over, Matthew's car was road ready once again, and he has been staying with me since since last weekend.

I give Matthew a lot of credit for the way he has handled the whole situation. I know firsthand how terrifying it is to be in a situation like that. The shame, disappointment and anger felt in the aftermath of such an assault is overwhelming yet Matthew stepped forward and filed charges against a person he thought was his friend - who then quickly became his enemy. The pride I feel toward Matthew is immeasurable.

Thank you, Lord, for selecting me, out of the infinite number of possibilities available to you, to be Matthew's mom.

Happy New Year?

I wish that ~ more than anything ~ this year will be a happy year. So far it's not looking very good.

I have been loathing sitting down and adding a new entry to my blog. Until a few moments ago, literally, I couldn't put my finger on the reason why. It finally occurred to me that I am afraid of the tears.

I am not scared of the tears themselves, rather I am terrified of the emotions that are bottled up behind them. The emotions are raw, potent and deep and what bubbles to the surface now and again rock me to my core.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Hunter ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Today we went to court with Hunter regarding his assault and battery charges. In addition to a woman from Child Protective Services following us, Hunter now has a Probation Officer. In exchange for a guilty plea (which we planned all along because Hunter admits what he did), of the three cases pending, totaling six people assaulted, two of the cases (five people) were dismissed. The remaining case/charge is against his teacher.

How did CPS become involved you ask? Well, right before Christmas Hunter pulled a knife on his stepbrother with every intent on killing him. (Henry intervened.) I was asleep at the time of the incident and woke up the next morning to find a very large knife laying on a table near my side of the bed.

I was furious.

When I woke Hunter for school the next morning I bombarded him with questions and statements. "What were you thinking?!", "Do you have any idea what will happen to you if you kill somebody?!" On and on I went.

Up until that moment Hunter had never seen me so livid and I think at first it surprised him. I pushed (verbally) too far and Hunter became frustrated. When he becomes frustrated he gets angry, when he gets angry he becomes violent. When he walked away from me and descended the stairs to the first floor bathroom, I was right on his heels.

As I moved to grab his arm, a quick succession of punches were sent in my direction, landing in various places on my body. I fought back. That is until Hunter grabbed and tangled his one hand in my very long hair. Our bodies were so close together that the only body part of his exposed to me was an arm, so I bit him. HARD. By this time my stepson, Jake, had intervened and had Hunter pinned up against the bathroom mirror and Hunter let go of my hair.

When I retreated upstairs I heard Jake talking to Hunter and Hunter calmed down enough to finish preparing for school. Shortly after, and still shaking, I left for work and Hunter left for school.

Later that afternoon I received a call from the school nurse, someone who has known Hunter and our family since he was in kindergarten. She started off by saying she and the staff at his former elementary school and current junior high school were behind Henry and me 100%. She said everyone knows we are great parents and that we are totally involved with helping Hunter and that it hasn't been an easy road.

Then came the "but"...the teacher noticed the bite mark on his arm and they were required to report it to either CPS or the police and which one did I want them to turn to? I told her to call CPS because the police would defer us to them and it would just eliminate the monkey-in-the-middle.

So that's how CPS became involved in our lives. Although I don't *dislike* the CPS worker, she does have a tendency to annoy me greatly with her idiosyncrasies.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Relationships ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The stress of all things Hunter are more than enough for me. Unfortunately, on top of that, my relationship with my husband hasn't been what it used to be, although very recently, it has slightly improved.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Health ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

My health is still not the best and more issues have arisen that, in addition to their own set of symptoms, only exacerbate the tiredness and fatigue I already feel from the diseases we already knew about.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Activities ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

One thing I am fighting hard for is to stay active and not let the tiredness and fatigue cause me to sleep my life away.

I recently began training for the National Ski Patrol ~ even though I'm a snowboarder ~ at one of our local ski areas. Currently it's on-hill training, twice a week, (plus one duty shift a week) and it totally wears me out. Yet I LOVE the exhilarated feeling I get when I'm learning a new skill and I finally accomplish it, or I'm just free-styling wide-open down the hill.

Being outside ~ and in the cool air ~ is a bonus!

I am still viciously determined that 2010 be a much better year than 2009.

Only time will tell...

Hunter's Assault

Today was another rough day for Hunter. In addition to running away from the school, he assaulted his teacher before he left.

The police were called, per policy, and when they found him he was sitting on a curb just a few blocks from school. The teacher filed a police report ~ and rightfully so.

Hunter received a two day suspension that starts tomorrow.

God, please help me help this child...